Ibn Safir at {theRoot} writes “As a lover and former owner of dogs and a longtime resident of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, (God save it!) you can color me shocked.

In a video released online on Wednesday, a white woman at the Attleboro Dog Park in Attleboro, Mass., can be seen calling the police after a dog belonging to a black man humped her dog in a way she deemed inappropriate.

The as-yet-unidentified woman, dubbed “Dog Park Diane” by social media users, can be seen telling police that Franklin Baxley, the dog’s owner, was verbally assaulting her. Baxley, an employment attorney according to his LinkedIn, told the cucumber from Veggie Tales that he was not verbally assaulting her. “I told you, I’m not leaving,” Baxley added.

Baxley then read the license plate number of the car belonging to Yung Kirstie Alley while urging the public to look her up.

A friend of the crypt keeper’s great-granddaughter (with bangs from the halcyon days of WHAM!) can be seen telling Baxley his dog’s behavior was “inappropriate for the dog park.” Baxley cited the frequency of dog foreplay at the park, telling dye-job Momo and her Danzig-favoring friend that he had “seen every single dog hump another dog here.”

Baxley’s interaction with the real-life Zoey Howzer, whose dog can be seen resuming its play-date with Baxley’s, took a turn for the weirder in a separate video. “This is not shameful,” said the clean-shorn Lhasa Apso, “you know what is? Yelling at me and assaulting a woman.”

“I can yell at you because you’re yelling at me,” Baxley responded. “Are you people serious?” Baxley exclaimed, undoubtedly reeling from the lowering of his IQ thanks to the presence of Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII’s most dangerous villain.” [MORE]